Designing a Passionate Life

Focus Exercise

Designing and living a passionate life requires focus. If you’re curious about what you focus on, then you will enjoy this exercise. If you’re not curious, or think you already know, then you can skip this exercise.

Choose one day of the week and decide to use it as your ‘focus day’. You aren’t going to do anything differently that day than other days except notice. I want you to set your intention for the day to pay attention to what you focus on. Notice what the voices (I call them the choir) in your head are saying about things that happen throughout the day. You can also notice what comes out of your mouth in any given scenario.

Do this without judgment or censorship. Do not change what you normally do, just notice what you do and what you focus on. I suggest that you dedicate a small pad of paper to this task. As you go through the day write down the following information for each scenario: (If you can’t do it in the moment then do it at the end of the day, recall the scenario and you will be able to recall the details)

Scenario – Give a brief description of the scenario that occurred.
My voices – Briefly write down what the voices in your head were saying to you.
My words – Write down the words that came out of your mouth in that moment or after the scenario when you were still recalling it.
Where do I feel it in my body? – Write down the area of your body where you are feeling emotion. Write down the emotion you are feeling.

After tracking your day, give yourself another day to just let it sit. Then pick up your list and look at each scenario. Read what you wrote down and notice what came up for you.

• Do you see a pattern?
• What do you like about your pattern?
• What would you like to change about your pattern?
• If there isn’t a pattern, what do you see?
• If any of those scenarios came up again, would you place your focus on something different?
• If so, what would you focus on?
• Can you see different possibilities for the outcome of the situation now that you are not in the middle of it?
• What are the possibilities?
• Are you focusing on what you want in your life or on what's not showing up in your life?

This is a powerful exercise to train yourself to notice what you focus on and consciously choosing what you do want to focus on.

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The Benefits of Focus

Identifying your passions gives you clarity and enables you to focus on what is truly important in your life. When you are tuned into your passions you see possibilities that perhaps you didn’t see before, ideas and action steps seem to come to you naturally.

Each of us sees the world from our own point of view. If you are health conscious person then you will see the advertisements for wellness, exercise, vitamins and other life supporting techniques. If on the other hand, your health is not a priority you will not see the different advertisements or products that can assist you in obtaining optimal health.

What you choose to focus on and take in is an automatic process. Consider all of the information that comes at you during the course of a day. If you tried to focus on all of it you would be overwhelmed and not be able to take any of it in. Studies have shown that we automatically discount about 90% of the information that comes our way. We do this so that we can focus on the 10% that we consider important.

Think about it, without focus nothing happens. Look at the activities that you do every day of your life. You have hundreds of possibilities to choose from every day. You automatically dismiss some of the possibilities without even thinking about it. You experience what you choose to focus on.

This happens with your emotions as well as obtaining goals that you have set. For example, if you hear reports that the economy is bad and the future looks bleak, you can choose to focus on this and you will find evidence to support this everywhere you look. You will see rising gas prices, jobs being lost, foreclosures occurring.

If you choose to see the areas of the economy that are flourishing, you will see examples of this everywhere. You will see new markets opening up, new jobs being created in the new markets, and real estate buying opportunities.

What you focus on creates what is real for you in your world, whether it is true or not is immaterial. It’s true for you in your reality. Then it follows that by changing your focus you can change your experience of your world. You set boundaries on your world and until you expand those boundaries by changing your focus you won’t see the possibilities that exist for you.

Focus is one of the most important things you can do to live a passionate life. When you focus on what’s not happening, what is bad about a situation, what's not working, then that will be your experience. When you focus on the outcome, what’s going right, or the gift of the moment, then your experience will be much more positive and new possibilities will open up to you.

Take a minute and stop and think about the things that you focus on. Take out a piece of paper and write down what you’ve focused on today.

• What do you see in your world?
• What aren’t you seeing?
• What do you focus on?
• Do you consciously choose to focus on one thing over another?
• Do you focus on what works in your life or what doesn’t work in your life?
• Do you focus on what you have or what you don't have?

The Importance of Gaining Clarity

To design a passionate life, it's a good idea to take a few minutes and look back on your life. Up until this point have you been clear about what you are passionate about, what you want your life to look like, what is important to you and what direction you want to go in? Do you consciously make decisions based on your desires, values, and passions?

You may feel like something is missing or you have decided to start consciously choosing what you want. You aren’t quite sure about what you want, but you feel like you don’t have a direction, a mission, a vision, or a purpose for what you are doing. There is a seed of something that wants to be born and you can’t quite figure out what that seed is.

All of these can be attributed to a lack of clarity. I’ve been there and done that. I’d like to share a piece of my own journey with you. Over the years I’ve pretty much taken life as it comes and made choices along the way without really knowing what I wanted to do for a living and how I wanted my life to look. I made unconscious choices. Fortunately for me, I’ve made good choices along the way and my life is very good.

However, one day, I came to the realization that I was pretty much reacting to life and the options presented to me rather than making decisions based on what I wanted and consciously orchestrating my life. I decided that I wanted to change that and start consicously designing my life. Thus the journey to conscious choice began. I began the search for a new livelihood.

I am an avid learner and the range of topics that I love to learn about is very broad. Because learning is one of my passions I enjoyed the process of learning. Ultimately, it also lead to confusion about what my next livelihood would be. Every time I learned something new, I would think, “Oh that’s a great idea, I’m going to go that way” then I would take the next class or read the next book and start to go in that direction. I was all over the map and rather than looking from within, I was allowing external forces to lead me in all sorts of different directions.

Many times I decided to go in a different direction due to the promise of a great income. I ended up spending a lot of time and money learning about a lot of livelihoods without any clarity on whether or not these livelihoods were connected to that part of me that would be inspired to take action in these different livelihoods.

Don’t get me wrong, every class I took, every book I read lead me to where I’m at today and because of that I am who I am and I appreciate every step of the journey. I had a lot of fun and bits of clarity showed up. Along the way, one of my teachers said that confusion is simply an excuse for not taking action. That really resonated with me. I also learned that as a society we are not taught to look within and get clear about what we want and value in our lives, our vision, and our passions. So many times we fall into the dreaded “shoulds”.

The other conclusion that I came to is that without clarity, your emotions, actions and results will vary widely. You may start down one path only to find that you are not at all inspired by the choice that you’ve made. Again, don’t beat yourself up, but recognize that you are not yet clear on what you are passionate about.

Also realize that each path you go down teaches you more about what you do and don't want. I got clear about what I'm passionate about and as a result the action steps to take. Since gaining clarity about my passions I have met many wonderful people who are willing to support and assist me in living that passion. It has been fun, inspiring, and energizing.

Clarity is what provides you the ability to focus and consciously choose the life and livelihood or personal goal that you so desire. Clarity tunes you in to all sorts of opportunities and possibilities that you may never have noticed before. Clarity is the beginning to living a life filled with passion. Clarity allows for focus to occur. What is your next conscious choice for living a passionate life?

Moving from Powerlessness to Action

Designing a passionate life will consist of times when you are stuck and are unsure as to what to do next. Often times you can get stuck because you can only see your circumstance from one perspective and this makes you feel powerless. Where in fact, you are far from powerless. The first thing you want to do when you feel powerless, helpless, or out of control is to notice it and ask yourself "Is that really true?" It may feel that way in the moment but asking yourself if you are totally helpless will move you a small step away from that space. 

Since you have decided you are not totally helpless, come up with different possible solutions for your situation. Think of five or six different possibilities about the situation by thinking outside the box. This is the time to think outrageously, you want to open your mind to the possibilities. For example, you want to eat healthy meals, but you think they take too much time to prepare.

Other possibilities for eating healthy meals include, hiring a personal chef, cooking your meals ahead of time on the weekends, preparing your meals at a 'dinner to go' store, ordering healthy meals delivered to your home, finding 30 minute recipes that are healthy, having the kids prepare a meal a week, or having your partner prepare a meal a week. The possibilities are numerous.

Take a look at each of your possibilities and see how feasible it is. For each possibility, ask yourself what it would be like if you made that choice? Hiring a personal chef sounds wonderful but it isn't in the budget. However, you could find 30 minutes to cook and having the kids help cook a meal or two could be a lot of fun and it would teach them how to cook.

After considering each of the possibilities, pick one and try it out in your mind. Imagine yourself doing this action, how does it feel? Can you see yourself doing it?  Does it energize you? If not, then try another one. You have to believe that the possibility you choose will work, it has to feel right.

Time to choose which one you want to take action on. It doesn't mean you can't try another one later on if this one doesn't work, but it does mean that you are moving away from being stuck. Let's say you decide to cook 30 minute meals. You've made your choice; now create a plan of action. You've decided to research and find several 30 minute meals that are healthy and create a menu for one week.

Now comes the key question to ask yourself: On a scale of 1-10, how committed am I to this plan? Anything below a nine will probably not work. You may want to consider another choice. Without complete commitment to the plan, you are setting yourself up for failure. If you answer a nine or ten, then ask yourself: Will I commit to this plan? If you answer yes, then give it a try. It's also very helpful to tell someone your plan and your level of commitment so that you are accountable.

The last step is to take action. After you commit to the plan, set a timeframe for it and start. Could you backslide? It's possible, but if you can learn from the backslide, you are still farther ahead than you were before you started. You are not stuck anymore.

When are you going to move from powerless to action? Sign up for my free Passion Deficit Disorder (PDD) report and take the first step.

Passionate About Learning

Designing a passionate life consists of learning in many different ways. The only way you'll start down the road to living passionately is to learn about yourself and how you want to live your life. I love to learn in all ways, which means that I can learn by taking a class, reading, or watching movies. The other ways in which I learn the most about myself include; witnessing how I act and respond in different circumstances; having a coach who asks me questions that cause me to take a closer look at who I am and what I believe; by posing a question during a meditation and by using reflection as a tool to learn more about myself.  

The journey of life is absolutely fascinating to me. Each moment is an opportunity to learn more about who we are, what we want, who we want to be and how we choose to respond to all of it. I find the more I learn about myself, the more fascinated I am and the more I want to learn. People are absolutely amazing and can help you to learn more about yourself, if you stay open to the possibilities.

One method that I use a lot to learn more about myself is to notice when someone 'pushes my button.' I stop and ask myself, what is it in me that I am not willing to see? I know that when my button gets pushed, it is mine to deal with, not the other person causing me to get upset. When I first learned this method, it was a bit difficult to own my own emotions and not blame the other person for what I was feeling. It was a lot easier to blame someone else for what I was feeling. I've practiced this for a number of years now and as a result I experience more peace and ease in my life.

Let me give you an example, early in my marriage when I wanted to make a key decision about my life, I would ask my husband what he thought I should do. Often times, his response was 'it's your decision.' This drove me absolutely crazy, how could I make a decision if he wouldn't tell me what he thought? I would get angry and think that he wasn't supporting me.

His response forced me to look within for my answer rather than outside of myself. As time went on and this pattern continued, I eventually recognized the gift that he gave me. I thought he wasn't supporting me and the truth was that I was not supporting myself. I am so grateful for his refusal to make the choice for me. As a result of this, I am much more confident in my ability to make decisions that are right for me. I can now ask for opinions but know that ultimately the decision is mine to make.

When are you going to decide to design and live a passionate life? Sign up for my free PDD report and start now.

Embracing Your Intuition

When designing a passionate life, I suggest you embrace your intuition completely. You may call it something else such as a gut feeling, a hunch, or a thought that appears from nowhere. Whatever you choose to call it, I'm sure you have experienced it. To me intuition is that knowing inside of me that I should say something or take some sort of action. I'm sure you've had moments when you had a "hunch" about something and you had no hard proof for your hunch, so you remained silent or did nothing, and the end result matched your hunch completely and you wished you would have followed your "hunch".

I have had numerous moments like this and as a result have learned to listen closely to my intuition and give it voice. I have found my intuition to be an insightful messenger for me in all areas of my life.  Intuition is listening or feeling what's behind someone's words or actions. For example, when I am coaching people, I ask questions, they respond and based on what I am hearing, what I am feeling about what and how they say it; thoughts and additional questions pop into my mind. When I share these thoughts or questions with my clients, often times they have an "ah-ha" moment and they see the circumstance or issue from a whole new perspective.

Everyone has intuition, it is simply a matter of whether or not you notice it and if you give it voice. Intuition can show up in different ways and it's your job to learn the signals of your intuition. For me, I notice a physical sensation in my body, I feel it around my heart and in my whole body. I let the thought come to me rather than try to reason out an answer. I fostered my intuition through meditation and noticing the thoughts that seemingly come from nowhere. After noticing and watching my intuition I started voicing and taking action based on it. I have to say, that listening to my intuition has been a positive experience for me. 
 
I want to challenge you to start paying attention to your intuition as you align your life with your passions. You will be amazed at what shows up. How does it show up for you? Do you feel it physically in your body, do random thoughts pop into your head? Do you see pictures? If you are a little skeptical about acting on your intuition, then write it down for awhile and simply notice the outcomes as they occur. What would have been different if you had followed your intuition? What will you choose to do in the future?

The Secret for Setting Intentions or Goals

Designing a passionate life includes setting intentions or goals. I've always thought of goals as typically an outward, visible outcome that can be measured. When setting goals start by asking yourself: What do I want to accomplish? When you decide to design and live a passionate life, you need to set goals. They give you something tangible to aim for and you know you have arrived because you can measure the results. What goals have you set for living your passions?

You have to do more than simply set goals. When I set goals in the past, often times they just didn't feel good and sometimes I didn't know how to accomplish the goals. It felt like an uphill battle to obtain the goals and I resisted working towards them. To eliminate this feeling when setting a goal, answer the question; how will I feel when I have achieved my goal? By tapping into this feeling you are strengthening your commitment (the inner drive) to achieving that goal. Tapping into the energy behind the goal helps you to focus on the action you need to take.

Action is the third aspect of setting a goal. Because you want to use the feeling to move you towards your goal, ask yourself; what action supports what I want to feel? This is where focusing on your passion is extremely important. When you connect with the energy behind your passion, the actions come easily. In my experience, when I use this frame of reference, the actions rarely seem hard or difficult. On occasion, if they do, I simply connect to the energy of my passion and I can easily take action.

Often, people don't set goals because they are afraid to fail or they will beat themselves up if they don't obtain the goal. The secret to goal setting is to remember that you created the goals and you can change your goals. When this happens, ask yourself, what happened? What got in the way of accomplishing this goal? What could I have done differently? Always use goal setting as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and how you function when working towards goals. Treat goals as a friend, not an enemy. Without goals, you don't know where you are headed and you will never know if you arrive.

The Process of Life

Designing a passionate life is a process and it flows like a river. A river is always flowing towards its destination. Just as you do when your destination is to live aligned with your passions and values. It's really easy to get caught up in reaching your destination and to be so focused on the end point that you forget to enjoy the journey. The journey of life is full of life lessons that build and form who you are and help shape your passions. Life lessons also contain hints that may alter the course of your river.

There will be times when your life flows freely, easily and stays within the banks of the river and consistently moves along. Other times it will overflow the banks and feel out of control. You may experience confusion eddies, log jam obstacles, and drama whirlpools. Each one of these experiences can bring great pearls of wisdom to your life journey if you are open to seeing them and learning from them. The more you notice, embrace, and learn from them, the easier the flow of life will be.

When you experience a log jam obstacle ask yourself: what am I focused on, the obstacle or a solution? When you experience drama whirlpools ask yourself: what am I to learn from this? Life is a process, enjoy the journey, stay focused on the destination, but notice if you need to flow in a slightly different direction.

The Power of Choice

Designing a passionate life is a choice. This sounds pretty basic and simple but at times it's not. Looking back on my life, I remember saying on occasion: "I don't have a choice." It is now my experience that this statement is not entirely true. Grant it, there are times when an external event dictates that I take a specific action or it triggers certain emotions, but I am still at choice when this happens.

I may not have a choice in the outcome of an event, but I am always "at choice" in how I respond to the event, and I have found this to be very empowering and freeing. Let me give you an example. My father passed away last year from cancer. When I first heard the diagnosis I experienced fear, sadness, anger, grief, and many other emotions that go with news like this. However, I did not want to have my life ruled by these emotions.

I made a choice to embrace my emotions and deal with them through different methodologies such as attending a grief workshop, writing in a grief journal, using "The Work", leaning into my spiritual practice and community, and being totally present with my father when I was with him.

My choice was to embrace the gift of my father, whom I loved very much and would miss with all my heart. I also chose to live free of the emotions that would have drained me. I chose not to be a victim of my father's passing, and it worked.

It's very easy to get caught up in believing that you don't have choices in life and to let external events steer you in directions that are not aligned with your passions. Remember, you do have a choice in who you would like to be, what you do, and what you have in the world. Embrace the power of choice and start living a passionate life.

How Values Play into Designing a Passionate Life

Designing a passionate life is difficult if you don't know what your values are. So, what are values? Values are the principles or qualities that are essential to the nature of who you are. They are the things that are most important to you and you must have in your life. They drive who you are in the world and act as your compass in life. Your values keep you true to who you are. When you honor your values you experience more joy and fulfillment in your life. When you don't honor your values, you often can experience confusion, stress, chaos, and life feels hard.

When you are clear about your values, you have a tool that helps make the decision process easier and the quality of your decisions increases along with the results because they are aligned with your values. For example, two of my values are integrity and honesty. In order to honor these values I measure any choices that come to me against these values. If they are not aligned with these values then the decision is already made for me, and I simply say no. It makes the decision process simple and stress free.

Depending on the choices before you and your values, it isn't always easy to honor your values. It's really easy to listen to the choir of voices or gremlins in your head that can justify a decision even when it is in direct conflict with your values.

However, if you reflect back on your life when you made a decision that was not aligned with your values, you may recall that the outcome was much worse than it would have been if you had honored your values from the beginning and made what appeared in the moment to be the 'wrong' choice. This is where choice comes in and that is the subject of another blog.

Start to notice what is important to you in your life. Your values are observable in how you function in the world, how you interact with others and the choices that you make. Think of a positive momentous occasion in your life and recall the scenario. Ask yourself, how was I feeling in that moment? What was important to me in that moment? What were the values that I was honoring in that moment? Start your values list and use it to notice when you honor your values and when you don't. When you don't, ask yourself, why not? What got in the way?