Designing a Passionate Life

Setting Expectations in Romantic Relationships

Designing a passionate life for some, may include a romantic relationship. If so, then how do you set expectations for your relationship? What do you expect to give to your partner and what do you expect in return? Have you ever sat down and actually thought about what you want out of a relationship or is it a foggy vision in your head? Foggy visions produce foggy results.

Clarity about what you expect out of a relationship will enable you to really understand what you want and to verbalize it. So many times people enter into a relationship without any conversation about what they want to contribute and receive from the relationship and then they are disappointed because the other person "doesn't know" what you want or what to give.

Nobody is a mind reader and believing that someone should "know" is only setting you up for disappointment. The conversation about expectations has to be two way and an agreement reached on both sides. If you have an expectation that the other person can't deliver, then you have to decide if you can live without that expectation being met. This is the tricky part, because early on in the relationship you may think that you can live without a particular expectation being met. Then as time goes on you begin to resent the other person because your expectation isn't being met.

That's why some self-introspection is important before you decide on a romantic relationship. You have to be clear about what is negotiable and what isn't negotiable. As one of my friend's said to me, if my ABC expectation isn't met 'that's a deal breaker'. She's clear and if she sees early on in the relationship that it's not happening after a heart to heart conversation, she ends the relationship and moves on. It may seem a bit harsh, but it saves both of you a lot of time and energy. There are times when one person in the relationship can not give what the other persons wants.

Take some time and go within and write down the values you want in a relationship, write down the 'deal breakers', get clear and have a talk with your partner. Design your passionate relationship together.

Designing a passionate life requires clarity and if relationship is part of your design, then get crystal clear on what you want. Sign up for my free PDD report now and start designing your passionate life.

The Effects of Complaining

Designing a passionate life includes no complaining. Why is that? Have you ever been around someone who complains about EVERYTHING!! I'm sure you have and it is NOT a pleasant experience. That person drains the very life energy from an event or gathering. It also takes a lot of energy on the part of the complainer. They are so busy complaining that they fail to notice what does works about the event. Their focus is on what doesn't work for them rather than what does work.

I never fully appreciated the idea of no complaining until I traveled on several trips abroad with my church. The minister had one rule and that was 'no complaining'. When traveling abroad, things will go wrong, schedules will get changed, things get lost, you eat new foods, and usually can't speak the language. There is ample opportunity to complain. What I noticed on these trips is that everyone honored that rule. If someone slipped, they were gently reminded about the rule. It made the entire trip much more pleasant and the energy level was one of cooperation and finding solutions.

I have found that when I'm exposed to a complainer that my energy level is drained. I try to point out the good things that are happening, which isn't always appreciated. I've also noticed that complainers are generally pretty miserable. They definitely have no passion for life, how could they, they find fault with everything. When people start to complain in a group, you can be sure that it will catch on like wild fire and the energy of the group will be sucked into the vacuum of complaining.

Are you a complainer?
Start to notice and ask yourself these questions:
When do I complain? How often? What do I complain about? How do I feel when I complain? How do people respond to me when I complain?

How to Reduce Your Complaining

• Notice it - the first level of awareness is to recognize when you are doing it.
• Stop it - when you notice yourself complaining, stop.
• Focus on what works - after you stop complaining, find something positive about the situation and say it out loud.
• Notice how you feel when you switch gears from complainer to solution and possibility finder.

If you are complaining that you can't follow your passions, then you probably won't. It is a choice to do so. Stop complaining and sign up for my free PDD report now.

Which of Your Behaviors Make You Feel at Peace?

Designing a passionate life consists of a number of behaviors from minute to minute, from hour to hour and day to day. Your entire day is made up of how you act and respond to different situations. Your life is made up of behaviors. Are you consciously choosing your behaviors throughout the day or reacting without thought? How do you want your behaviors to feel?

If you want your behaviors to give you a sense of peace, then start by noticing them. How would you respond in some of the following examples?

If a driver cuts you off on the road, how do you behave? Do you rant and rave, or simply wonder why that person is in such a hurry? Which would give you more peace?

How do you listen to your spouse? Are you defensive or do you listen with an open heart and mind? Which would give you more peace?

When a co-worker makes a mistake, do you huff and puff or simply point out the mistake and suggest a solution? Which would give you more peace?

What if a good friend lets you down? Do you get angry, pout and refuse to talk to them until they apologize or do you explain to them how you feel as a result of this and ask him or her to explain? Which would give you more peace?

Reacting with anger, frustration, and annoyance drains you of energy and leaves you feeling hollow. Connect with your inner wisdom and ask for guidance in your response to different scenarios as they arise throughout the day. You may surprise yourself. I know that you will save a lot of energy by choosing to behave differently. Don't take my word for it, try it and see how you feel.

I would love to hear the results of those of you who give this a try. Please feel free to comment on this post after you try it.

Part of living a passionate life is making conscious choices about our behavior from one minute to the next. When are you going to start living in alignment with your passions? Sign up for my free PDD report and start now.

How to Overcome Procrastination

Designing a passionate life requires that you eliminate procrastination from your life. If you truly want to follow your passions, be inspired to take action and create the life you envision, there is no room for procrastination. It will stop you in your tracks and nothing will change and you will wonder why nothing ever changes.

What is procrastination?
Procrastination is defined as intentionally or habitually putting off something that you should do. That hits the mark. Procrastination is an excuse for not taking action and it works. Those who have perfected the act of procrastination are extremely creative when it comes to reasons for not taking action. Any of these sound familiar?
I am too tired.
I don't have time.
I don't know what to do.
I don't have the time or the energy to do this.
I don't want to do this.
I deserve a break.

What do you say to yourself when you procrastinate?

Why do people procrastinate?
People procrastinate for one reason, out of fear. The reasons for the fear can vary depending upon the situation and each person's self-talk. One person may be afraid of failing, and another person may be afraid of succeeding. People may have fears related to what other people will say or think. You don't want to look foolish, you don't want people to laugh at you, you're afraid your family won't support you. The reasons for the fear are very real and the list is endless.

The reality is that procrastination stops you cold. You can make plans, set goals, and intend a lot, but until you take action, nothing will change.

How do you stop procrastinating?
The first step to eliminating procrastination, is to be very honest with yourself and notice when you are doing it. When do you find yourself making excuses for not doing something you promised yourself you would do?

Step 1
Notice: Pick a week and notice when you don't get things done that you promised yourself you would. Write down the reasons you gave for not getting them done. What patterns do you see? What types of things did you procrastinate about? Did you ever do any of the tasks you procrastinated about? If so, how did you feel as you did them? How did you feel when you were done with them?

Step 2
Go Deeper: After you have a list of the things you procrastinate about, read each item on the list and really get back into the feeling of the procrastination in the moment when you were resisting taking action. What were you feeling in that moment? What emotion is beneath the inaction? See if you can spot an underlying theme to your procrastination.

Step 3
Clear the limiting belief: Because procrastination is caused by fear, then it follows that you have a limiting belief that is keeping you from taking action. After you discover the underlying limiting belief, then use some tools to eliminate that belief. You could use "The Work" by Byron Katie, The Sedona Method, or Emotional Freedom Technique.

Step 4
Reallocate Your Resources: Think about the time, energy, and money that procrastination costs you. if you reallocated all of those resources into action, your life would look very different. Use that time, and energy you use for procrastination to move you forward into action. Use your desire to live your passion to inspire you into action.

What is it costing you in terms of the amount of energy it takes to procrastinate? What is it costing you in terms of living your passions? Is it worth it? Stop procrastinating right now, and sign up for my free PDD report.

How to Believe in Yourself

Designing a passionate life requires belief in yourself, your inner guide, and the process. The first step is to decide that you want your life to look differently and that you want to be passionate about your life. This requires clarity.

Develop a Vision
One thing is for sure, if you don't know what your passions are and you don't know what you want your life to look like, you will end up with exactly what you have. Maybe it's pretty good. That's great, but can it be better? If it isn't so great, what don't you like about it?

Without a clear idea of what it means to you to live passionately, you will not know what to focus on or what to take action on and as a result, you won't believe in yourself. In order to believe in yourself, you have to have a vision and believe in your vision and then decide to go after your vision.

Start a Gratitude Journal
It's really easy to get caught up in the, when I have this, I'll be happy syndrome. Life is happening while you are making plans. Recognize what you have right now. Prove it to yourself, write it down. What are you grateful for right now. Don't just verbalize it, for one week, write down 10 things every day that you are grateful for. You can't repeat anything from day to day. So you'll end up with 70 unique items that you are grateful for.

Have a Conversation with Your Inner Guide
Call on your inner guide. If you are upset, then get mad, get it out, and scream if you want to. Let the emotions fly. Just make sure no one else is around or they may think you've lost it. After you express your emotions, ask for answers, love, and guidance. Perhaps you'll notice a shift in your thoughts. If this approach doesn't work for you, then use journaling or meditation.

Establish a Daily Practice
What your life looks like is the result of a thousand small thoughts and resulting actions each day. Just imagine if you could change one or two of those thoughts and actions each day. How different would you life be? Designing a passionate life is a mindset. If you want change to occur, then decide to change. Perhaps your daily practice is to meditate, write in your gratitude journal, pray, or listen to uplifting music. Design a practice that uplifts you and keeps you positive and in the flow.

You will be amazed how you will start to believe in your vision and your ability to make those changes. It doesn't happen by accident. You make it happen.

Sign up for my free PDD report and find out why passion is so important in our lives.

Why Do People Resist Change?

If you are truly going to design and live a passionate life then you are going to have to make some changes. Some changes will feel good and will be easy to make. Other changes may feel daunting and not as easy to make. You have a choice in how you want to live your life. Are you open to doing the changes that need to occur for this to happen?

What is change?
The meaning of the word 'change' is to make radically different or to make a shift from one to the other. The level of change can range from very small to very large and usually the amount of resistance is proportionate to the level of change. For example, if you're used to taking a certain route to work and the State does some road construction that results in a new route to work, it's irritating but not life altering. You can deal with this change and adjust rather quickly. However, if the change in route adds an extra hour and 40 additional miles to your trip, this can have a significant affect on your lifestyle. You would have a high resistance to this change.

Why do people resist change?
The number one reason why people resist change is because it removes them from their routine and most times out of their comfort zone, which results in fear. Routine is a very comfortable place to live and when it's disturbed on purpose or by chance, you can get thrown off balance. Think about when you drive to a new part of the city and the roads are unfamiliar, you get nervous. However, you do it because you want to reach your destination.

Think back to when you were growing up and all of the things you had to learn. It was often times very uncomfortable and not fun. You didn't want to look funny, you didn't feel safe, you were afraid people would laugh at you, you were afraid you would fail, or you didn't feel supported by those you love. As adults we don't want to experience any of these things either.

When you don't change, you stay in the same place and are stagnant and begin to feel the affects. Sometimes the mere thought of making a change in our lives can throw us off both mentally and physically. This is often times a scary place to be and we long for the way it was or we want to stay right where we are and not 'rock the boat'.

The questions to ask yourself are - Am I passionate about my life? If not, how committed am I to changing it?

How can you embrace change?

• Recognize that you aren't passionate about your life and decide to make changes. You can't keep doing things the same way and expect different results. You must change your mindset and your actions.
• Get very clear about your passions.
• See the possibilities, envision it. Make the vision clearer and clearer.
• Determine where to start. You can start with very small changes that are easy to make or you can go for the big change. It all depends on how quickly you want the change to occur and how committed you are to making the change.
• See the change as an adventure rather than something to fear. How can you make the change interesting and easy? Come up with some possible ideas and implement the one that feels good.
• Get support in making the change. Hire a coach, find a mentor, or form a Mastermind group.

Take the first step and sign up for my free PDD report and find out why passion is so important in your life.

Why is Forgiveness Necessary?

Part of designing a passionate life is to do your forgiveness work. You may be wondering what this has to do with living a passionate life. To me, living a passionate life includes freedom and until your forgiveness work is done, you are not free. Forgiveness is the conscious decision to be free of bitterness, fear, anger, resentment, and thoughts of revenge. It is a process and it takes time.

I heard a young woman interviewed on Oprah who was recently released from 18 years of prison for killing her father because he raped and abused her all of her life. She is now 36 years old. Oprah asked her if she forgave her father and her response was yes, and I've forgiven myself for taking his life. She also said that if you don't forgive you are living in a cage, whether or not you are surrounded by bars. Her case was an extreme one but it clearly points out the power of forgiveness. Because she has done her forgiveness work, she is able to be free emotionally, physically, and move forward. With her freedom, she has intends to help eliminate abuse and rape.

When you don't do your forgiveness work it means that you are still giving away your power to the person who hurt you and you are draining yourself of energy because you relive the event over and over again. We all have someone in our lives to forgive. It may not be for the extreme reasons of this young woman but it is still necessary. Forgiveness does not condon the actions of the other person nor your own if you are the one you want to forgive. Forgiveness work frees you from the anger, fear, or bitterness that you are holding onto when you don't forgive. 

The first step to forgiveness is to decide to forgive. The power of this decision alone leads you on a path to change beliefs and actions that have caused you more pain. Forgiveness will take time and the path is unique to every person. Start the process by looking at the circumstances of the event as facts, your part in the event, how it has affected your life, and your peace of mind. How much more energy, time, and emotion do you want to give to the event?

To assist you in the forgiveness process you can use prayer, meditation, or journaling. You may want to talk to a trusted friend, family member, spiritual advisor, or therapist. The key is to move through the emotions you are feeling. You may also want to reflect on times when you have hurt others. You may even develop a sense of compassion for the other person. Try to see the event from the other person's point of view.

Examine your life and list the people in your life who you want to forgive. Decide which ones to forgive first. Start your journey to freedom and living passionately. Sign up for my free PDD report and learn about the benefits of living your passions.

How to Thrive in a Relationship

Designing a passionate life requires thriving relationships in all areas of your life. The relationship I want to focus on today is people who already have a long-term romantic partner. If your relationship is feeling a little stale or routine, you may be ready to take your relationship to the next level and thrive.

I believe that there is no set formula for what a thriving relationship looks like. I think it is up to the individuals in the relationship to create the vision for the couple and determine what thriving looks like for them. This being said, there are some things that each person can do to contribute to create a thriving relationship. Determine what it means to you to have a thriving relationship. Have both people in the relationship answer the following questions alone and write down your answers. Be specific.

Answer these questions:

• What do you love about your partner?
• What attracted you to him/her in the first place?
• What emotions do you experience when you think of, or are with your partner?
• What activities do you share and what new activities would you like to add?
• How do you express your love to the other person?
• How does your partner express his/her love for you?
• How can you deepen your connection?
• Which of your values are being honored in your relationship?
• Which of your values are not being honored and how does that feel to you?
• What spiritual practice do you share with your partner?
• What does a perfect day that you share with your partner look like?
• What does the next level of emotional and physical intimacy for your relationship look like?
• What level of independence do you experience in your relationship? Do you want more or less?

After you have both written down your answers, share them and then answer them again as a couple. Find out where you connect with each other and where you don't connect. Target the areas where you want to make changes, decide on action items that move you towards your vision of thriving.

Take that first step on living a passionate life by signing up for my free PDD report today.

Using Beliefs to Support Your Vision

Beliefs can block you from moving forward or can act as the building blocks to energize you to move forward and take action. Your beliefs directly affect the choices and decisions that you make every day of your life. They in turn affect your attitudes and feelings.

After you recognize limiting beliefs that stop you from taking action, you have the choice to change those beliefs. It isn't an easy process but one that you can do in small steps. Some of it has to do with the language that you use. If you find yourself using disempowering language like "I can't" then more than you will make that the reality. Try changing your language to "I won't" and then to "I will". These are small steps but these words change the energy and how you feel towards the action that you want to take.

Try it out. What is one thing that you want to do and are avoiding? For example, perhaps you want to start exercising daily and you've decided to start on Monday. Monday arrives and the day progresses and it gets late. You find yourself saying, "I can't exercise now, it's too late." Try changing this to "I won't exercise now, it's too late." This is really the truth. You found all sorts of other things to fill your day rather than exercising as you promised yourself you would. You are in the driver's seat and the fact is you won't exercise.

You are at choice in what you believe about yourself, others, and your ability to design and create a passionate life. If you believe that you can create a passionate life, then you will. If you believe that you can't then you won't. You are at choice in what you believe. If you are not choosing empowering beliefs, your limiting beliefs are running the show. When you notice yourself making choices that disempower you, ask yourself "What is stopping me from doing this? What do I believe?" then ask yourself "What do I choose to believe?"

Being willing to implement new beliefs is the starting point. You can create a new belief by writing down the limiting belief and then writing a more positive version of it. You want the new belief to be something that you can actually believe. If you make it too big, your unconscious mind will not buy it and it will not serve you.

After you write the new belief, state it and feel the power of that new belief, and acting on that belief. When you start to believe the first rewrite and act on it, then write it again and make it bigger, and act on it. Create the new belief in stages. With enough repetition you start to integrate your new belief and it becomes a part of you.

What new belief do you want to put into place to empower you to start living a passionate life? Sign up for my free PDD report and find out what actions you can take now.

5 Principles for Living a Passionate Life

When you are designing a passionate life there are five principles that will help you accomplish your vision and live a passionate life. 

Intention
Setting your intention requires that you have clarity about what you want to accomplish. What do you intend your life to look like? What type of people do you intend to surrounded yourself with? What do you intend to accomplish? How do you intend to experience life? What is important to you? Write down what it is you want to accomplish and be very explicit about your vision.

Attention
After you are clear about what you intend to accomplish, keep you attention on that vision. Start to notice the possibilities that are available to you to move you closer to the life you envision. Who are the people around you who can assist you? What are you placing your attention on as you go through your day? Are you focused on what is happening or what is not happening? Who are the people you need to meet that can move you forward?

Integrity
Whether you give your word to others or to yourself, it is law. Follow through when you commit to do something. If obstacles occur along the way and you can't keep your commitment, then inform those who are affected by the outcome. How well do you keep your commitments to others? How well do you keep your commitments to yourself? How can you improve this aspect of your life? What stops you from keeping your commitments?

Take Action
Without taking action, all of the intentions that you set are worthless. When you focus on your passions and take action, you are fueled to keep moving forward. You can the results of what you have learned along the way and it energizes you to keep moving forward. More and more opportunities appear, more connections are made and, you the steps you take occur in bigger increments. What is the breakthrough action that you need to take right now to move you towards living a passionate life? What action steps are you taking today, tomorrow, and next week? What is your plan?

Build a Support Team
It is essential that you surround yourself with a support team. The team should consist of people who encourage you, who support your vision and your passion, who can brainstorm with you when you're stuck, who will hold you accountable for your actions, and who will support you when things don't go exactly as planned. Your support team can consist of business partners, people with the same passions, a mentor, a coach, friends, or family. You need to be clear on what it is you want from your support team. What is you expect from this team? What are the qualities you want each person to have as part of your support team? What time commitment do you expect from them?

Take the first action step to living passionately and sign up for my free PDD report now.