How to Listen Effectively

Designing a passionate life includes the ability to listen. The process of following your passions is not something you can do alone. Other people will assist you in living your passions. In order for people to assist you, you must use effective listening. Communication is the process of delivering a message to another person and the person receives the message by listening, which completes the process.

Listening is a powerful skill and one that can be learned. I've often notice people who hear, but don't listen. People hear the words a person is saying but  they are not assimilating and understanding the meaning of the words being said. Listening has not occurred and therefore, neither has communication.

Methods of Listening

• Point of View - In this method, the listener is hearing the words and thinking about ways to respond to get their point of view across. The listener is not interested in the other person's viewpoint. They are looking for holes or things that they don't agree with so that they can present their viewpoint. This method can create a competitive type of environment resulting in a negative experience and at times, a resulting argument.

• Hearing but not Listening - In this method, the listener is either not present or is hearing the words and either thinks they understand. The listener is not really interested in the other person's point of view, is distracted by other things (for example, cell phone, mp3 player, TV, radio etc) or the listener thinks they understand the message but doesn't ask any questions to confirm understanding.

• Listening with Curiosity - In this method, the listener hears the words being said and asks questions with genuine curiosity about the other person's viewpoint even if it is very different from their own. The listener asks questions and reflects information back to the speaker to clarify understanding so that they are clear about the intended message. This level of communication can create deep connections with people. People know when you are genuinely curious about their message and appreciate your attentiveness.

How to Listen Effectively

• The most effective method is to listen with curiosity. You do this by asking questions when you don't understand what the person is saying. Reframe the statement in the form of a question.
• Reflect statements back to the person in your own words. If the person said something that you don't understand then restate it in words that you understand and ask them if that is what they were saying.
• Listen for the emotions behind the words and ask questions. You may say something like, it sounds like I'm hearing a lot of anger about this, is that correct? If they say yes, ask them to tell you what they are angry about.
• Maintain eye contact. There is nothing more distracting and dismissive than people who will not look you in the eye when you are sharing something you are passionate about.
• Recognize when to respond to a question. Often times, people will start a conversation with a question but they are not really looking for an answer. It is their methodology for starting a conversation. I often times will ask them if they want me to answer the question or not.
• Set your intention to listen with an open heart and be totally present. Everyone wants to be heard and there is nothing more rewarding than having a discussion with someone who is totally present and willing to hear your point of view.

What kind of listener are you? What kind of listener do you want to be? How would your life change if you listened effectively? What connections would occur if you were truly curious about other people's viewpoints? Sign up for my free PDD report and start the journey of following your passions.