Designing a Passionate Life

Connecting with Family

Designing a passionate life includes activities with families, which gives life meaning. I was reminded of this recently when I attended my husband's family reunion in St. Louis. People came from all over the country to gather and reconnect. The event was born because one young lady who connected with her cousin on Facebook, realized that she didn't really know her cousin.

I realize that Facebook can take a lot of time if you let it. However, if you use it wisely and in moderation it can be a great tool to connect with family and friends. In this case, it caused the creation of the family reunion, which connected people from all over the country in person. The event brought to my mind our need to connect with each other, share family history, and stories. It appears that it may be an annual event.

What people also realized at the family reunion is that many of the family stories are dying with the older relatives. The desire to keep the stories and family history recorded was evident. Not only do we have a need to connect but we also want to know about our lineage. Where did we come from? Who were the people who came before us. What were their hopes, dreams, and desires? How did they meet each other? What were they passionate about?

How have you documented your family history? What stories have you collected about your family? Do you have a family photo album? What is the legacy you want to leave behind for your children and their children? Attract the life you want by designing a passionate life right now. Sign up for my free PDD report and get started now.

Shortening Your 'To Do' List

Designing a passionate life requires that you recognize what is important in your life and consistently choose in favor of those things. I'm sure you can relate to the demands of your career or business and that you are committed to being successful in it. However, if your commitment to your career or business puts your health, state of mind, or relationships on the back burner, you are jeopardizing all of them. It's really easy to want it all and as a result have a 'To Do' list that is a mile long.

There are only so many hours in a day and you only have so much energy. You may be able to get the things on your 'To Do' list done in the short term, but keeping it up indefinitely will become a challenge. At some point in time, the fire behind your passion will burn out. To avoid this from happening, you need to keep a short 'To Do' list and make it achievable. Don't loose sight of what is important to you and remember why you are working in your career or business. More than likely it is to support your family so that you can enjoy time together.

Easy to say but how do you shorten your 'To Do' list. Start by asking yourself the following questions about the items on your 'To Do' list and cross them off your list:

• Which items do not support my passions?
• Which items are on my list in order to please others?
• Which items are on my list in an effort to make others like me?
• Which items are on my list in an effort to be perfect?
• Which items on my list are 'shoulds'?
• Which items on my list drain my energy?

You will be amazed at the amount of time that will free up when you drop these items from your 'To Do' list. Focus your attention on what is more important and before you make a commitment ask yourself: By making this commitment, will it take me closer to the things I love, or farther away?

Designing a passionate life is a series of choices that create the life that supports you and your passions. Start now by signing up for my free PDD report.

How to Deepen Connections

In my last post I mentioned that we are social beings that need connection. We crave connection with other people for a variety of reasons. For approval, a sense of belonging, confirmation, curiosity, learning, fulfillment, love, companionship, and many other reasons. Each of us connects to meet our own needs.

The methods for connecting can vary widely. You can connect through friends, social media, sports, spiritual communities, common interest groups, job related groups, political affiliations, or neighborhoods. Again, the methods to make that first connection vary widely and everyone uses the methods that work for them.

After the initial connection is made with a community of some sort, I've always found that I seem to connect more with two or three people in the community. I know fairly quickly who I connect with and with whom I want to deepen our connection. I've found many long lasting deep connections with people in these different communities.

No matter what methodology you use, the way you deepen connections is the same in any friendship. 

How do you deepen connections?

• Be totally present when you listen to your friends. Hear what they are saying and what they aren't saying. In other words, don't be thinking about what you are going to say but really take in what they are saying and if you are face to face, what their body language is saying. Read between the lines.
• Be curious about the other person and ask open ended questions such as: What were you feeling when that happened? How did you handle it? What is your next step? I'm not clear about XYZ, what did you mean exactly? How did you prepare for that? What went through your mind when you heard that?
• Acknowledge what they are telling you. If a friend is sharing an accomplishment, celebrate it with them. Don't let them minimize the accomplishment. Congratulate them. Think about how you would want your friend to respond if you had great news and respond in kind. If they are sharing a deep sadness or hurtful experience ask them: How can I support you right now? How are you going to support yourself through this experience?
• Be supportive, but don't support the story. There is a fine line between supporting a friend and enabling the friend to dwell in the story. It's really easy to get into the details of the story. This simply makes your friend feel worse and it pulls you right down with them. It's important to listen and be supportive but sometimes your friend can unknowingly be asking you to support their misery. This does not serve them or you. They need to feel their feelings and then move on. The timeline varies from person to person. You will know when you have had enough of the story. Gently nudge them to take forward action.
• Be a good friend. A good friend is someone you can trust, be vulnerable with, and with whom you can share your thoughts and feelings. Be very aware of this precious gift of friendship and always honor the trust your friend has given you. Nurture it, grow it, and appreciate it and it will last a lifetime.

How can you deepen your connection to your passions? Sign up for my free PDD report and find out how to get started.

How do You Create Connections?

Designing a passionate life includes connection. The process of living your passions includes connecting with people along the way. Life is a series of connections. One form of connection that I find fascinating is the enormous popularity of social media that includes Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, and others. So why is social media so popular?

The answer is that it provides a form of connection. We are social beings and crave connection to other people. We consciously or unconsciously look for connections with people. The reasons for connecting may include to:

• create a community
• be heard
• be acknowledged
• create a level of intimacy
• find people of like minds
• find common purpose
• find answers
• share information and resources

These are some of the reasons but at the core of all of them is the need to connect and deepen the relationship. It is this need that I think drives the popularity of social media websites. It's not uncommon for families and friends to live all over the world and communicate through traditional means of the telephone, e-mail, and snail mail. But it is a slow and infrequent process. However, with the advent of social media you have the ability to stay connected easily and instantly.

You can find friends that you haven't seen in years and reconnect and nurture old friendships. You can stay connected with the day to day activities of family and friends' lives. You can also find new friends that you share a common purpose with.

Social media does not limit you to the geography of where you live. People who live in remote areas can be a part of a global community through social media and feel that connection they long for. Life takes on more meaning through connection. You don't feel alone.

Use the methodologies you feel comfortable with and create a community that supports you in living your passions. How can you create a community of people with the same passion and support each other in that passion? Start your journey to living your passions by signing up for my free PDD report.

How to Listen Effectively

Designing a passionate life includes the ability to listen. The process of following your passions is not something you can do alone. Other people will assist you in living your passions. In order for people to assist you, you must use effective listening. Communication is the process of delivering a message to another person and the person receives the message by listening, which completes the process.

Listening is a powerful skill and one that can be learned. I've often notice people who hear, but don't listen. People hear the words a person is saying but  they are not assimilating and understanding the meaning of the words being said. Listening has not occurred and therefore, neither has communication.

Methods of Listening

• Point of View - In this method, the listener is hearing the words and thinking about ways to respond to get their point of view across. The listener is not interested in the other person's viewpoint. They are looking for holes or things that they don't agree with so that they can present their viewpoint. This method can create a competitive type of environment resulting in a negative experience and at times, a resulting argument.

• Hearing but not Listening - In this method, the listener is either not present or is hearing the words and either thinks they understand. The listener is not really interested in the other person's point of view, is distracted by other things (for example, cell phone, mp3 player, TV, radio etc) or the listener thinks they understand the message but doesn't ask any questions to confirm understanding.

• Listening with Curiosity - In this method, the listener hears the words being said and asks questions with genuine curiosity about the other person's viewpoint even if it is very different from their own. The listener asks questions and reflects information back to the speaker to clarify understanding so that they are clear about the intended message. This level of communication can create deep connections with people. People know when you are genuinely curious about their message and appreciate your attentiveness.

How to Listen Effectively

• The most effective method is to listen with curiosity. You do this by asking questions when you don't understand what the person is saying. Reframe the statement in the form of a question.
• Reflect statements back to the person in your own words. If the person said something that you don't understand then restate it in words that you understand and ask them if that is what they were saying.
• Listen for the emotions behind the words and ask questions. You may say something like, it sounds like I'm hearing a lot of anger about this, is that correct? If they say yes, ask them to tell you what they are angry about.
• Maintain eye contact. There is nothing more distracting and dismissive than people who will not look you in the eye when you are sharing something you are passionate about.
• Recognize when to respond to a question. Often times, people will start a conversation with a question but they are not really looking for an answer. It is their methodology for starting a conversation. I often times will ask them if they want me to answer the question or not.
• Set your intention to listen with an open heart and be totally present. Everyone wants to be heard and there is nothing more rewarding than having a discussion with someone who is totally present and willing to hear your point of view.

What kind of listener are you? What kind of listener do you want to be? How would your life change if you listened effectively? What connections would occur if you were truly curious about other people's viewpoints? Sign up for my free PDD report and start the journey of following your passions.

Learning from Failing

Designing a passionate life will include failures along the way. Being clear about your passions and setting goals for living your passions will include failure. How you respond to the failure is a measure of your mindset. You can learn a lot from failure. It all depends on how you choose to look at the failure.

Every failure brings an opportunity for learning. It can also give you different ideas on how to try again but with a different approach. Remember, living passionately is enjoying the journey along the way. It isn't all about the destination nor is it a straight line to the destination. Often times after failing you can get a big ah-ha and your life takes off in a new direction that you would never have thought of if you had succeeded.

Every successful person has failed more times than they have succeeded. Thomas Edison ran over 50,000 experiments before he got the light bulb to work. That is focus, persistence, and holding to your vision. People are afraid to fail because of possible ridicule, a lack of conviction, commitment, and confidence in their goal. It all comes down to mindset. Successful people embrace failure. They use it to learn and move forward.

I think our society has created such a strong image of 'successful' people that all we see is the end result. We rarely are told about all of the failures along the way. Successful people are passionate about what they do, they are focused and committed.

How committed are you to living a passionate life? Sign up for my free PDD report and get started now.

How Well Do You Know Your Family?

Designing a passionate life includes family. A family can include blood relations or a family of your own making. Either way, I often hear people say things like 'my family doesn't understand me' they don't really know me. My response is - how well do you know your family members?

If you don't make an effort to get to know and understand them, then how can you expect the same from them. As in any relationship, communication is the key. If you feel like your family doesn't understand you, ask yourself the following questions:

How clearly have I expressed my thoughts and feelings with my family?
How do I express myself with my family, with anger, frustration, or openness?
What is each member of my family passionate about?
What dream does each member of my family have?
What values do each member of my family hold?
How open am I to getting to know my family members?
How open am I to letting them get to know me? 
How willing am I to make a connection with each member in my family?

Start a dialog with just one member, maybe the one that you feel the most connected to. Make an effort to get to know them, ask questions, be curious.

I wonder what would happen if you got to really know and understand your family members. Start living passionately and sign up for my free PDD report now.

What NOT to Wear

Designing a passionate life requires self-esteem. I was watching a show called "What not to Wear" and in the show they perform make-overs on women. The women have been submitted to the show by family and friends and then are 'surprised' when the TV host and hostess show up at their doorstep. I love fashion so I find it interesting from that viewpoint but what I noticed is the internal change that goes on for many of these women.

I still believe that building self-esteem is an inside out job. You start with self-reflection and really understanding who you are, your passions, and how you want to express yourself in the world. However, what I've noticed on this show is that often times the make-over gives these women a new way of looking at themselves. Very often they receive very strong fashion and character advice from the hosts. 

Most times the ladies on the show look terrible and they don't give their clothes or how they look much thought. What comes to my mind, is that they have low self-esteem and many of them have admitted this to the hosts. I see the make-over as the nudge they needed to take that first really big step into who they are.

What nudge do you need to start loving who you are, living your passions, and expressing your full potential in the world? Take a look in the mirror and if you don't like what you see, then start with the external picture and work from the outside in. However, don't stop there, that's just the first step. The external is just a shell and no matter how well put together it is, the internal has to match to keep the outside looking good.

Take that first step and sign up for my free PDD report today. Start living passionately.